Small penises have feelings too.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
