Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
