Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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