And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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