So drunk its hurt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He has the fingertips of a God
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