I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
