It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
