Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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