I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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