I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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