I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize