May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
there is glitter all over my balls
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
