I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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