and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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