It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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