I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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