Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize