This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize