dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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