I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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