my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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