He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
