Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
