It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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