yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
