I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
