I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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