five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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