Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
