u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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