i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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