I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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