Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
