It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
