apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
