We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize