Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize