singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Boobs are out for the taking
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
