It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
last night I used snow as a chaser
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize