You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
