You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
