I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
