I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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