Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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