u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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