I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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