How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
