Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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