Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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