he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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