So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
