Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
