I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize