I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
