the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize