i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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