genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
