i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
