dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
