oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
