its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
