He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
