Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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