idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm passing your future prison.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
