Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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