I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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