After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize