i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
