Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
