pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize