you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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