I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
