What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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